Thursday, December 30, 2010


Dear 2010,

Don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.


Monday, December 20, 2010


I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge - myth is more potent than history - dreams are more powerful than facts - hope always triumphs over experience - laughter is the cure for grief - love is stronger than death. - Fulghum


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Failure to Launch

Excerpts from a letter I wrote to a dear friend of mine...

Life in Utah has been far from what my dreamy expectations led me to believe. Although nothing bad has happened to me, nothing really great has happened either. My emotions are as unreliable as the weather. Yes, let’s talk about the weather, isn’t that something that should come up in every abstract conversation?

My father and I were welcomed to Utah by a parade of snowflakes that were dancing in our honor. The flakes had so much fun parading about that they decided to stay for a while and partied for three days. Once they sobered up, it made for quite the mess to clean up. The most beautiful mess you could imagine. In that brief moment, I was completely content snuggled next the fire with the latest edition of Nat Geo, watching the entertaining snow. The next moment, I had the Ghost of Christmas’ Past knocking on my door. Only I didn’t have the advantage of dreaming it and there were no happy endings in sight. I may need to speak with Charles Dickens about revising his beloved classic.

Mother Nature soon decided to unpack her winter blanket and melt away all of the beautiful snow. Just as the snow, my emotions were weak and unstable- trying to sort through and glue their mismatched shapes back together again. It creates a very interesting dynamic having to move forward and forget the past all the while being physically surrounded by it.

I needed to run away… somewhere far… a place where no one would know me. I became anxious. I started planning trips, looking at my bank accounts and frantically trying to plan something… anything. I went for a drive. I drove far into the canyon and cried as loud and long as I could. I went for a walk. I walked aimlessly trying to get over my fear of this place. I survived.

As the green grass over took the snow, I’m not sure what happened next. After some reflection, contemplation and divine-intervention, a new emotion pieced itself together- acceptance. I accepted my family, my situation, myself, but most importantly, my past.


As the sun shines outside and my coat stays cozy in my closet, I have discovered new sights, smells and sounds in this old town of mine. I have explored a place that I thought would never alter. Just goes to prove that cheesy saying “ The only thing that’s constant is change.”

Monday, December 6, 2010

Christmas Lights

I love Christmas. I love Coldplay. What a perfect combination. Merry Christmas everyone! (Thanks Lauren)

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back for the past four years.

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many nights out with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

*The Holiday

Friday, November 26, 2010

Someday my prince will come....

Hocus Pocus

My fabulous friends from D.C. came to visit during my last few weeks at Disney. We had the most epic Halloween weekend complete with witches, wizards and haunted houses! It was so wonderful of them so come and spend time with me. It truly meant so much and I am so grateful for their friendship. Instead of going off on so many details, I will let the pictures do the talking...


Block Party Bash- Disney's Hollywood Studios

Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party

Monday, August 16, 2010

Chaos and Curve Balls

Life has seemingly been infested with chaos lately, therefore, my apologies for my lack of blogging. There are few, if any, that even noticed my hiatus but I'm glad to be back for the fact that I have so many stories to share that I know I won't remember unless I write them. Isn't that a scary thought? If for some reason blogger decides to disappear, there goes two years worth of my life and memories in written form. Someday I will archive my entries... but there is that all illusive someday.Someday I'll finish all those projects I have been working on. Someday I'll go to the gym. Someday I'll study. Well the someday to update my blog is today.

The month of July was a roller coaster of emotion.

July 2.
Gator Shining.
The tales to be told from this experience will be a separate blog post.

July 4.
I spent America's Independence Day working in a restaurant in Norway. For the first time in years that I have been in the states to spend the 4th, I end up working amongst foreigners all day long. After greeting each table I would end my conversation with "Happy 4th of July" to which most where unresponsive either due to a language barrier or pride. However, I did buy myself a watermelon which I cut up and took to work so that I could have some sort of classic Americana semblance. Also, I was able to watch the firework show in Epcot after work which was spectacular.

July 14.
Took a big leap and decided to go shopping at the numerous outlet malls around town. I don't like to shop unless I have a purpose and I have the money. I, of course, don't have the money but I know I needed three things:
1. A new swim suit
2. Tank tops
3. A new hat
I spent the day driving around town and getting lost. However, I not only got lost, I was lost on toll roads which adds up quite quickly and gets ridiculous the longer you drive. After finding the tank tops and hat, I was off to find my swim suit; saved the best for last... not. I found a suit I liked at Target but they didn't have it in my size so I have to drive around to not one, two or three stores, it took four stores until I finally found it.

My head was throbbing after such an expensive day and all I wanted to do was lock myself in my room and vow never to go shopping again. Life has a sense of humor and decided to throw another curve ball my way- a speeding ticket. A speeding ticket for the amount I just spent on clothes and gas. My expenses just doubled. After such a rotten day I decided I was going to make the next day epic and that it was...

July 15.
I took my adventurous friend Kim to the climbing gym with me, where we spent a perfect day climbing, relaxing and solving all the worlds problems. After I dropped her off for work, I went to the temple and joined a youth group for baptisms. I was surrounded by beauty, peace and temple workers telling me that I look like I am 14 years old. The Orlando temple is gorgeous and so I spent an hour so just wandering the grounds trying to resolve the tension that had wound around my life. After that, a stop at my favorite store, Whole Foods. Bliss.

July 19.
My wonderful cousins from St. Louis came to visit me! I set them up in the Animal Kingdom Lodge (my very favorite Disney resort) and apparently I charmed the reservation agent because not only did they get an amazing rate but they were put in the presidential suite! It had everything from an office to a dining room, a fire place to a jetted tub, plasma screens in every room and a balcony that overlooked the entire savanna. It was a treat to say the least and was so much fun to see my cousin so excited. They though I was the coolest cousin and that I always have those kinds of connections... I'm just going to let them keep thinking that.

They spent time exploring the parks and came to visit me while on set, then the took off for Clearwater beach. I joined in the fun and we had a great time in our "girls only" room where we stayed up late watching Hannah Montana Forever. The next day we drove to Fort De Soto beach which is incredible natural beach with warm, calm, crystal clear water and sugar-white sand. We spent the day diving for sand dollars and catching crabs. That night the girls got their hair braided on the boardwalk and I got a tattoo. (henna) I taught Emily how to long board on the way home. Then we played an intense game of miniature golf that lasted late into the night.

It meant so much to have them come visit me. It had been years since I had seen them last and we had some catching up to do. I just wish they could have stayed longer!

July 28.
Here comes another curve ball-heard back from Graduate school and because my Math score on the GRE was just barely too low they couldn't accept me this semester. However, I can retake the exam and reapply which I plan on doing in the winter. For now, I decided to stay in Florida and save money. This was an incredibly difficult decision because I truly had my hopes set on being in Utah this fall. I miss my family.

I took the opportunity to drive my frustration out by taking a trip to St. Augustine. I cried the whole way. My disposition was brightened once I saw this adorable, history-filled town. I ate cupcakes while strolling used book stores (my favorite type of store) I explored the old fort and paid my respects at the oldest school house in America. I ate a falafel at an adorable Greek cafe on the river and climbed 219 steps to the top of a magnificent lighthouse. I spent time contemplating my next steps in life while amongst the clouds and while up there a little 9 year old girl with one leg joined me. She had climbed all of those steps with her crutches and had such enthusiasm that she wanted to do it again! I was inspired by her charisma and fortitude and after that divine intervention I realized that my life is far from over. She was my inspiration.

July 31.
Moved out of my house and officially became homeless. I perfected the art of couch surfing and mooching off of friends until I found the place where I am currently. However, turns out I have to move again come September 1st. That makes 4 moves in the 5 months I have been here. Blah.

That wraps up July. Stay tuned for August....

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Give Kids the World

"We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give." -W.C.
Two days ago I had the pleasure of being introduced to Princess Zoe. She was a beautiful princess with curly blonde hair and eyes as blue as the sea. Any outsider viewing her from a distance would see her beauty and grace and would never believe her incredible story, especially me. While at work, I had noticed her special " Make a Wish Foundation" button securely fastened to her shirt and knew to spend as much time with her as she would like, however, I didn't know that I was her wish. Upon meeting the family I greeted the girls and parents to which her mother told me her heroic story before I even had a chance to sit down with the children. Zoe was diagnosed with cancer last year and her only wish was to go to Disney World to meet Princess Aurora- her favorite princess. They had been at the parks for four days and even though they had done the princess dining and seen the shows, Princess Aurora was no where to be found... until now. Instantly my eyes began to fill with tears as I humbly took on the role to fulfill this girl's dream. It took me a minute to collect my thoughts and I didn't know what I could do that would make this experience special. I felt entirely unworthy of such an immense moment. After talking to her about her kingdom, her good fairies and all of the wonderful adventures she had been on I sent her on to see Cinderella and Belle. I would choke up every time I saw her out of the corner of my eye and as she was leaving the room and stopped my line and ran to give her a big hug only to find out that through her treatments, she had lost most of her hearing, so she wasn't able to hear most of anything I had said to her earlier, but she was so excited to just sit with me. My heart sunk as I watched her leave the room, I wish that there was more I could have done. Even though I have seen so many children in her same situation since I have worked here, this one was the most powerful.

I have been blessed to be able to volunteer at the most beautiful place on earth called Give Kids the World Village. It is non-profit organization that provides a vacation of a lifetime for terminally ill children and their families. It is a place where families are able to come completely cost free for an entire week and get to see and do everything central Florida has to offer while staying at a beautiful resort built just for kids. There are 140 villas where the families stay, each can sleep 8 people and comes with a fully stocked fridge and gifts for the children are delivered every night. The villas are more than just a hotel room, it is a home complete with a driveway, front porch with rocking chairs and a mailbox. At the resort there are activities every night from American Idol to Santa and Mrs. Claus visiting a Winter Wonderland. There is an ice cream palace that is open all day long which many of the kids line up at 7:00 AM for a banana split breakfast, playgrounds created after the Candy Land board game and a swimming pool that has special wheelchairs for the kids to use so that they can play in the water as well. Give Kids the World has provided lasting memories for over 100,000 families since it's opening in 1986. As I walked around the village today, tears streamed down my face as I noticed so many details that make it such a peaceful place for those who deserve it most.

Pepsi is having a contest to give away $250,000 to any charitable organization that has the most votes. Give Kids the World is in the running to use the money towards refurbishing the villas. Everyone can vote once a day for the month of June. Since June is almost over they need all the votes they can get. Please take ten minutes out of your day and vote for Give Kids the World here... www. Please vote everyday throughout the rest of this month. I have witnessed what a difference this organization has made to the lives of so many families and I will never forget the last impressions it has made in my life.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Papa Cost

( This picture is classic dad... goofy hat, shades,cargo shorts,a t-shirt under a life jacket that's too small and tevas. Perfection)

My daddyo always taught me:
- Pickle juice will always be served whenever you ask what is for dinner
- There is no sweeter sound than an elk bugle
- Everything you could ever need out of life can be found in the isles of Home Depot...not Lowes...Home Depot
- Commuting during rush hour is an art form
- There are plenty of fish in the sea, all you gotta do is go fishing.
- You are never too old to do anything... SCUBA Diving, Wake boarding, Backpacking through Europe etc.
- Spending time in nature can bring immense peace
- Patience is something we all could use a little more of
- The light of Christ lives within everyone, so we must never judge off of shallow reasoning
- Family is most important and will take precedence in all aspects of life
- Reading a good book on the front porch while the sun sets beyond the mountains is ... perfect bliss

The lessons taught are vast and the memories behind each one are priceless. My gratitude for each lesson is not able to be constrained to the written word, but thank you will have to suffice for now. I love you daddyo! May this Father's Day be the best yet!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


Cherish your solitude.

Take trains by yourself to places you have never been.

Sleep out alone under the stars.

Learn how to drive a stick shift.

Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back.

Say no when you don't want to do something.

Say yes if your instincts are strong, even if everyone around you disagrees.

Decide whether you want to be liked or admired .

Decide if fitting in is more important than finding out what you're doing here.

Sold my Soul

May is finally over... thank heavens. June has flown by.

It felt like May lasted a lifetime, probably because my latest wound is still fresh and painful. I have discovered that there are moments in your life where it's a struggle to even get out of bed in the morning, to breath, to live. I couldn't have made it through without Heavenly Fathers divine help.

I have officially sold my soul to Disney. 10-14 hours a day, 6-7 days a week. It has been good to keep busy but exhausting.

Studied my brains out every night and during every break for the GRE.

My incredible best friends came to visit me! it was the most perfect trip ever. It had been years since we had spent time together and we definitely made up for lost time :)

I took the GRE and have applied for graduate school. Fingers crossed!

Have been making many new friends. John took me sailing and stand-up paddle boarding which was incredible cause we saw dolphins and manatees. I discovered a new love- paddle boarding.

Got kicked out of my house by my landlord cause she was selling the house. Had to move in the midst of an already stressful life.

My wonderful parents came to visit and I was able to take a whole week off to spend with them exploring the parks, resorts and spending four perfect days at Vero beach. Highlight: We rented a catamaran for an afternoon and went sailing surrounded by sea turtles. I love sailing.

Had to go to the hospital...first time in a long time. Strep throat, upper respiratory infection and pink eye are a bad combo.

Now I am just trying to get feeling better and get back into the swing of working since I have been out of the loop for a bit.

Things to look forward to:

Hearing back from graduate schools

My Washington D.C. friends coming to visit me in July

Road trip across the country

Moving back to beautiful Utah in July for the first time in almost 2 years

Friday, May 21, 2010

Rock Sale!

This is the BEST song ever created! Everyone must listen to it but... you first have to understand why it's so amazing.

Maren, Lindsey and I have been best friends since we were three years old. We were somewhat odd but very creative children. This past week has been spent laughing about all of the ridiculous games we used to play that were insanely imaginative. We also laughed about all of the predicaments we used to get ourselves into because of our awesome imaginations. One of the things we are best known for is our "Rock Sales"... that's right ladies and gentlemen; we used to sell rocks from my garden on the side of the road just like most children sell lemonade. We never thought twice about it doing it because we thought everyone loved rocks as much as we did. I mean who wouldn't want hand polished garden rocks? We didn't realize that the people who actually stopped to buy the rocks probably just felt bad for us and our poor situation, while we were thinking about how genuis it was.
Anyway, we had an amazing childhood filled with stories much like this one, but this one tends to be the tipping point and sets far apart from the rest of the world.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010